The Findlay Docket

The Courier docket is always a source of unintentional comedy.  Whoever writes the Public Record section of the paper just has a way of describing the event, for example:


Two people tussled Monday at 1710 S. Blanchard St

Translation, there was a fight at a house and the cops were called.

Domestic discord was noted at a Tawa Creek Drive residence Monday.

Translation, they’re either fighting about money or someone got busted with a new lover.

A scooter was swiped recently from a porch at 141 Lotze St.

If something was stolen, and you’re writing for the public record, I think it’s OK to use “stolen” more than once.

Domestic disorder was noted at homes on Crystal and Eben avenues Monday.

Probably ok to just say domestic “disorder” twice.  That teacher who taught you to try and use different words to describe the same thing, because when you’re writing you can’t say “stolen” or “discord” or “fight” or “altercation” over and over again, check this site out.  And if I read something about a domestic clamor in the future, I’ll know where you got it from.

A man reportedly urinated on a Chevy Trailblazer at 144 Northcliff Drive on Wednesday.

So there was a witness or this guy just knew someone pissed on his car so he called the cops.  Sigh, the cops really do have better things to do and hey buddy, why do you have to piss on his car?  Didn’t you already bang his girlfriend?  Or wait, maybe he banged your girlfriend.  There’s always a reason someone’s car gets pissed on.

A rural Findlay male, 16, was cited for a driver’s license violation for driving after hours on July 20. He was found parked with an unclad female in a Lincoln near a landfill entrance on Allen Township 107.

Unclad female, is that a fancy word for naked?

————— 27, of Livonia, Mich., was sentenced to five years of community control sanctions and three years of driver’s license suspension for a third-degree felony charge of failure to comply with a police officer. Albrecht on Dec. 11 led law enforcement on an Interstate 75 chase through Hancock County. Routson reserved 24 months in prison if Albrecht violates the community control sanctions.

You know how much less trouble you would have been in if you had just pulled over?  What were you going to do, drive to Cuba?  We live in a digital age man, there’s no more “outrunning” the cops bro.  Seriously, and we try to be learned people amongst stuff like this.

I do believe I may have an regular entry for this site, that docket comes out everyday.

Cheers,

John H.

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